If  April rain gathers up earthy aromas

If moonlight kissed summer days

Life would be a dreamer’s  tool

And I,  a happy love struck fool!

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Cold shivers of fear!


Whenever I discussed a negative probability – like this one time (when road trips were taken as a family very often) we were travelling down the middle of a pitch dark forest patch I wondered aloud to my dad what if two of our car tyres got punctured. He was of course irritated with my thought process and told me about the principle denoted by the three monkeys in our mantelpiece back home – Do not think or speak or hear bad thoughts.

Back then I must have been in my 2nd standard or so. By now I have begun to fully appreciate the power of positive thinking but I must say it has never stopped me from fearing adverse circumstances I might suddenly be thrown into and get uprooted from all the blessings I am thankful for in my life. My worst fear is that of losing a loved one to some kind of bad situation – which could be separation, a sudden cold distance that sucks the joy out of you like a dementor or worse death!

I just cannot get rid of this very bad habit – I sometimes feel very depressed to the point of wallowing in self pity over such imagined situations! Especially when I fight with a loved one I unconsciously become the first person to seal a peace pact for I feel life is too short to have an ego hassle over who is right or wrong. I am too happy to brush issues under the carpet if it guarantees that peace and love will overflow in abundance! Is that weak? I seriously don’t give a damn! The larger picture more often consumes my imagination and fuels my actions!

The only mock positive out of this whole fictional fear fiasco is that I try not to lean on anyone too much for am afraid they will end up hurting me one day or leaving me for good. It sometimes prevents me from being true to myself.  It replaces a smile with a poker face, words with silence and sharing with withdrawal. However, the rest of the time, emotions sway me like the wind sets the course for a sail and very often I find being dependent on other people is a natural outcome of any form of social existence and there are some whom you just cannot live without!  They envelope you, embed themselves in your life and there is no way in hell you can remove yourself from them in any form of emotional equation!  You draw strength, joy, confidence, emotional security and motivation like fresh air for your soul from them and before you know it you become dependent!  …and Fear continues to haunt you!

Fallen hard for you!

Lyrical experiment # 4 (Still not a rhyming one! -* read footnote)


Have fallen hard for you                         

I don’t have a freaking clue

What I intend to do!

Maybe as a start

I got to acknowledge

That I have fallen head over heels in love with you!

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Hold still my heart!

Eyes that weave reams of poignant thought

O! Hold still my heart

Can’t  hug away your worries yet!

Like a flickering fire

glowing with warm embers

winter tremors kindle ardent desire

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Like Tinker Bell’s laughter

your happiness warms my soul!

Your thoughtful and funny banter

comforting like the gentle murmur of a brook

running through lovely deep dark woods!

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Photo credits - poligo.com

Not sure which way the wind blows

What cue the ship’s sails should take

There seems no option but

to be stuck between a rock and a hard place!

The heart wants what the heart wants

The mind plays the villain of the piece

The silence is so loud it drowns all the words

leaving behind unspoken nostalgic thought fragments

floating around like islands in a sea of self-inflicted misery!

With you the highs are so high

and the lows so damn low

Just keep smiling throughout one day

And then be frozen the next trying to choke down tears that spill

tracing no fathomable reason!

Veering between extremes am I?

like this ship lost in the beauty of pacific calm one moment

and caught up in a raving and ranting storm next

The wind plays havoc with the sails like the mind with the soul

Is it a harbour that’s shining with warmth and light in the distance?

Or is it a deep dark cave of gloom?!

Mirrored emotions or a misunderstood disarray of thoughts?

Afloat aimlessly all at sea will the ship find its nest?

For now it seems like a mindless quest

Just caught between a rock and a hard place!

An ode to longing!

Can you make sense of this longing?

This feeling that engulfs me when I gaze upon

a pitch black night sky with a lone shining star

the sudden glimpse of a brick red titled roof

atop a cozy house on a cloudy windy day

The tree that sways and trembles with

bright sunny flowers on a drizzly morning

the nostalgia that triggers emotions deep within

like the vast ocean that gently cradles a bobbing moon

the fleeting memory of the smile of a child’s innocence

and eyes that twinkle with wicked mischief

that kills and thrills me

this bitter sweetness that I hate to love

and yet cherish for it warms my soul

I don’t want to let go

and yet wish it would leave me in peace

Sense of longing that preys so on a mind so fickle !!